Tear-Jerker Expedia Commercial Features Same-Gender Wedding

8 06 2013

Earlier this week, Cheerios received very nasty, racist responses to its new commercial featuring an interracial family.  It’s 2013, and racist prejudice still reveals its ugly presence every once in a while to remind us that it still exists.  The shift toward tolerance for same-gender couples is years behind majority tolerance of interracial couples.  So, I suspect it takes a great deal more bravery for companies to support LGBT rights and marriage equality, let alone feature LGBT people and same-gender couples in their advertising.

But, the pro-LGBT companies are coming forward, explicitly resisting homophobes’ efforts to re-erase LGBT people.  The newest pro-LGBT advertisement is an Expedia commercial that features a father attending the wedding of his daughter and her (female) partner.  See it below.

This one differs from other advertisements which either feature still photos of same-gender couples, or even a quick, passing (semi-subtle) reference to same-gender marriage.  It is almost like a mini-movie, with tension, character development, and a happy ending.  What I appreciate is that it takes on the father’s perspective, and that he struggled with how to navigate his daughter’s “new” life and relationship.  This is an honest portrayal of how many parents come around to accepting their LGBT children.  (I suspect that few come out to parents who have been LGBT-friendly all of their lives.)

Expedia has been an explicitly LGBT-friendly company for years.  But, until this commercial, that friendliness was only expressed to and known among LGBT communities.  They, like many companies, advertise to LGBT consumers, but save themselves the homophobic backlash by ensuring that only LGBT people know that.  Now, they have made the bold step (though after others) to tell heterosexual, cisgender America that they are LGBT-friendly.

Uh oh… the gay storm is coming.  Hallelujah!





Make Sex Normal

26 04 2013

About a month ago, I contributed to the new “Make Sex Normal” project:

“I teach college courses on sexual diversity, do research on the lives of LGBT people, and blog with some amazing scholars and advocates at KinseyConfidential.org” -

Kinsey Confidential

- Eric Grollman (far right), PhD candidate in Sociology at Indiana University, is pictured with other Kinsey Confidential bloggers at a Kinsey Institute art exhibit

Why wouldn’t I?  I saw a new campaign that seemed timely (overdue, really) and aimed at addressing an important cause (just as I added my own video to the It Gets Better project).  Now that the dissertation beast is out of my hands (for the moment), I have had time to really comprehend just how significant the Make Sex Normal project is.

This is yet another initiative created by Dr. Debby Herbenick, a research scientist at Indiana University, author, and sex advice columnist/expert.  In addition to her research on sex, she regularly blogs for Kinsey Confidential and MySexProfessor. She has also given TWO TED talks.

Indeed, a chief aim of Dr. Herbenick’s work appears to be to increase sexual literacy in America — to dispel myths and educate youth and adults about sex, sexuality, and relationships.  Another appears to be giving people the space to speak — either to share their secrets (e.g., her IUSecrets project) or to highlight what they do to increase sexual literacy (e.g., Make Sex Normal project).

It may come as little surprise that I admire the work that Dr. Herbenick is doing.  Yes, it is because she ties together her research, teaching, and advocacy.  Her work as a scholar, broadly defined, aims to make sex normal, among other ways to make the world a better place.  And, she’s even got quite a bit of media attention for this amazing project!  (here, here, here, and here, among others).

Go ahead — you can submit your own contribution to the Make Sex Normal project.  Here’s how.





Actually, Racism Could Motivate Sexual Violence

19 04 2013

*trigger warning: sexual abuse against children; sexual violence*

At the top of the list of yesterday’s most disgusting stories, and the strangest stories, is that of a white woman teacher who cried “racism” when accused of sexually assaulting one of her first-grade students.  That is, faced with the charges of touching a 7-year-old Black girls’ genitals (who she kept behind class as other students left), Esther Irene Stokes claims that she harbors racist prejudice and, as such, she despises any sort of contact with Black people.  Innocence by bigotry.

Prosecutors said that after failing a polygraph test, Stokes insisted to Humble police that she had not touched the girl “on any part of her body.”

“She doesn’t like to even touch the black children on their hand, she shies away when they try to hug her — she admitted to being prejudiced,” Blanchard said.

The complaint stated that Stokes “doesn’t like black students because she was prejudiced” and “has little to no interaction” with her accuser.

The strange self-admission of being racist came after a failed polygraph test, and other details that cast doubt on her claim to innocence:

The girl also told police that she asked the teacher to stop touching her and was made to stand out in the hall without any lunch — but Stokes also denied that.

Northwest Preparatory Academy Charter School Principal Paul A. Hardin told investigators that cafeteria records showed that the girl ate breakfast but not lunch on March 1.

Arguably, because the girl’s race is marked (Blackness is hypervisible as a master status, whiteness is invisible and taken-for-granted), Stokes may have been advised by her lawyer to announce her racism.  As a racist, there is absolutely no way in which she would willingly seek physical or sexual contact with a Black child.  As a self-labeled racist, she will face embarrassment.  But, as a child molester, she risks losing her job, time in prison, and registering as a sex offender.  But, it’s no crime to be a racist!

Racism And Sexual Desire

Actually, Stokes’s racist prejudice neither proves nor disproves the possibility that she sexually assaulted a Black child.  Arguably, some (racist) white people sexually and romantically desire racial and ethnic minorities because of their race or ethnicity.  Exotification!  The supposed ability to not see the race and ethnicity of people of color — “color-blindness” — is not much better.

The bottom line is that our sexual desires, selves, and identities develop and change within a particular social context.  We are sexually socialized in a racist society.  Collectively, what we define as beautiful (or not) is largely a product of our social hierarchies.  Black people fall at the bottom of the list of what racist white America defines as beautiful and sexy.

Distinguishing Sexual Violence From Sexual Desire

BUT!  Stokes sexually assaulted a Black 7-year-old child.  Sexual violence is not a phenomenon driven by sexual desire.  Rape and sexual assault are expressions of power.  They act to control another human being, to disempower them — not expressions of one’s desire for them.

Unfortunately, the dominant (critical) understanding of sexual violence — here adding sexual harassment, too — is that it is a manifestation of sexism and patriarchy.  (Heterosexual, cisgender) men rape, sexually assault, and sexually harass (heterosexual, cisgender) women — presumably within the same racial and ethnic, and social class groups.

But, misogyny is not the lone basis for sexual violence.  As an expression of power and control, sexual violence may be based on racism, xenophobia, transphobia, bi- and homophobia, classism, ableism, ageism, and/or fatphobia.  And, by “may,” I mean there are regular occurrences in which members of marginalized groups face sexualized violence as a product of the oppression they face.  In fact, exotification, disgust, and sexual violence are all sexual manifestations of these systems of oppression.

Racism And Sexual Violence

Black feminist scholars like Patricia Hill Collins and Angela Y. Davis have explained the links between racism, sexism, and sexual violence.  Sexual violence serves as just one manifestation of racism and sexism.  Within the matrix of domination, wherein systems of oppression intersect and reinforce one another, one aspect of the intersection between sexism and racism is the sexual violence faced by women of color.  In addition, sociologist Joane Nagel has written about the way race and ethnicity (and racism) and sexuality (and homophobia and sexual violence) work together to define social boundaries, include and exclude, and privilege and oppress.

Sexual violence has been used as a tool of racism throughout history.  White men have raped, assaulted, and harassed Black women both during US slavery and after.  The reproductive systems of American Indian and Black and other women of color have been attacked through forced sterilizations — even today through racist campaigns of the pro-life movement:

Racist Pro-Life Ad

Boys and men of color are victims of racism-based sexual violence, as well.  Under enslavement, Black men, too, were raped and sexually assaulted by whites.  In the not-to-distant past, Black men’s sexualities were controlled and policed through lynchings.  Most of these executions were extralegal punishments based on false accusations of sexually assaulting or harassing white women.  Many entailed castration and mutilation of the Black men’s bodies.  Even today, many Black boys and young men are preyed upon.

Other men of color have been targeted throughout history, as well, including the regulation of Chinese men’s sexualities through the Chinese Exclusion Act coupled with restrictions on interracial marriage.  In addition, racism and xenophobia have been enacted abroad through sexualized violence, especially in wars with other nations (e.g., the sexualized torture at the US prison in Abu Ghraib, Iraq).

Concluding Thoughts

My primary intention in this post is to highlight the ridiculousness of this case of sexual abuse.  According to media reports, it does not sound as though Stokes’s claim to innocence will hold up.  But, no one was present to witness what occurred in the classroom.  Either way, the claim that her racist prejudice would prevent her from treating a Black child as subhuman, unable to decide for herself what she does and does not do with her body, is BS.

I am not arguing that she is necessarily “more guilty” because she is a self-identified racist.  But, her prejudice certainly does not make her any less guilty.  If, for some reason, the evidence of the molestation does not hold up in court, her own admission to harboring prejudice and actually discriminating against her Black students should certainly be grounds to bar her from teaching anywhere.  Pedophile or not, this woman is disgusting and has no business teaching and interacting with children.





On The Proposal To Replace LGBT With “Gender And Sexual Diversities” (GSD)

2 03 2013

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people have made a great deal of progress toward gaining equal status and rights in the US, particularly within the past decade.  But, on the eve of the US Supreme Court’s consideration of same-gender marriage, we find ourselves still battling rigid stereotypes and prejudice.

Arguments against equal protections for transgender people continue to reduce them to their bodies and/or their sexualities, claiming their presence poses a risk of sexual violence for cisgender people.  Lesbian, gay, and bisexual people continue to be depicted as a threat to children and families, often outright accused of sexual deviance, including pedophilia, bestiality, and sexual addiction.  A great deal of the efforts to challenge anti-LGBT prejudice, discrimination, and violence entails battling these myths and stereotypes, and promoting an image of LGBT people as mere humans.

The Importance Of Self-Definition

The extent to which LGBT people are oppressed in the US can be gleaned by the power that heterosexual and cisgender people hold to name, recognize, represent, and include LGBT people.  As such, there are efforts by LGBT activists and advocates to address each of these elements of inequality: from challenging the exclusion of LGBT people from important social institutions, to challenging the use of “gay” as an insult; from promoting greater (positive) visibility of LGBT people in the media, to advocating for greater attention to sexual identity, and gender identity and expression in politics.

One aspect of LGBT empowerment, then, is obtaining the power to name oneself, and to be visible, represented, and included.  Sociologist Patricia Hill Collins talks about the importance of self-definition for Black women’s empowerment in her scholarship on black feminist theory:

[S]elf-definition offers a powerful challenge to the externally defined, controlling images of African-American women.  Replacing negative images with positive ones can be equally problematic if the function of stereotypes as controlling images remains unrecognized…The insistence on Black women’s self-definitions reframes the entire dialogue from one of protesting the technical accuracy of an image…to one stressing the power dynamics underlying the very process of definition itself…By insisting on self-definition, Black women question not only what has been said about African-American women but the credibility and the intentions of those possessing the power to define.  When Black women define ourselves, we clearly reject the assumption that those in positions granting authority to interpret our reality are entitled to do so.  Regardless of the actual content of Black women’s self-definitions, the act of insisting on Black female self-definition validates Black women’s power as human subjects (pg. 114).

Gender And Sexual Diversities

The successful recognition of LGBT people as just that — LGBT — has only recently been achieved in general US discourse about sexuality and gender identity and expression.  And, by no means has the acronym gained complete use over less inclusive terms: “gays and lesbians,” “homosexuals,” “gay people,” “transsexuals,” and so forth.

Of course, the acronym LGBT is not entirely exhaustive in its inclusion of all sexual and gender minorities.  Queer is sometimes included, and the ‘T’ arguably includes all trans* people (e.g., transgender, gender non-conforming, transsexual, genderqueer, intersex, etc.); and, some use the longer LGBTQQIA to include queer, questioning, intersex, and asexual identified people.  Still, others remain unnamed, though assumed.

To reflect this vast diversity in sexual identity, gender identity, and gender expression, a London-based therapy group for sexual and gender minorities, Pink Therapy, has proposed the term “gender and sexual diversities” (GSD).  Initially, I would take no issue with a broader, more inclusive term to speak about such diversity.  But, the proposal to replace LGBT with GSD — which, ironically, sounds like a mental illness (like PTSD) — put me on the defensive.  I thought, “who are these people to make such a proposal?”

As I watched the interview to hear more about their proposed GSD umbrella term, I became more concerned about their intentions, and how their suggestion is given legitimate consideration — even a poll at the bottom of the HuffingtonPost Gay Voices article on the proposed name-change.

PollI agree that LGBT is not inclusive enough.  But, the tired joke about the “alphabet soup” to name every gender and sexual identity is where we land when trying to move beyond exclusivity.

But, within their explanation, I noticed that their vision was broader even than sexual and gender minorities; in fact, their initial proposal of “Gender and Sexual Minorities” (GSM) was shot down because some they include are not necessarily minorities in the same sense that LGBT individuals are.  In particular, the therapists name asexuals, members of kink and BDSM communities, and those in non-traditional relationships (e.g., swingers, those in polyamorous relationships) as individuals to be included in the broader “GSD” label.

To include swingers, who are largely conservative middle-class white heterosexual married couples, as well as similarly privileged people who are polyamorous or into kink or BDSM alongside sexual and gender minorities moves the discussion beyond the denial of rights and protections and exposure to prejudice, discrimination, and violence.

Self-Definition

Indeed, the sexual practices and relationship structures of cisgender heterosexuals who engage in swinging, kink, or who are poly are stigmatized.  But, this is a different matter than the stigmatization LGBT and queer people face because of their sexual and/or gender identities — who they are, not merely what they do.

At a minimum, I am suspicious of this proposal.  LGBT people across the US are being asked to consider adopting the name “GSD” following the proposal of a small group of therapist in London that was elevated via HuffingtonPost.  How did these people even pique the interest of the online newspaper?  Just who are these people to come along with such a major proposal?

But, I think it is safe to say that I oppose this change for three reasons.  First, it is proposed by some external source, rather as an act of self-definition.  Second, likely related to the first, they advocate to include privileged people in our minority community.  It is not for lack of sympathy or even awareness of the invisibility and stigmatization that poly, kinky, and swinging folks experience; rather, these are matters distinct from the marginalized status of LGBT and queer people.  Third, also related to the first, is that the term seems silly as a name for a group.  For example, Black people, whether self-identified as “Black,” “African-American,” “Caribbean Black,” and so on, do not identify as “racial diversity” or “diversities”; even racial and ethnic minorities, collectively as “people of color,” do not use such a label.

I ask, before this proposal goes any further, why?  With such effort that has gone into recognition as LGBT communities, why abruptly shift to a new label that would include individuals who are not gender and/or sexual minorities?

A Note About Boundary Work

I know that I am walking the fine line of boundary work — that is, drawing the boundaries of who is included in LGBT and who is not.  Like every group, whether privileged or oppressed, we have had a long history of drawing and redrawing the bounds of LGBT.  Even today, bisexual and trans* people must ask why ‘B’ and ‘T’ are often reflected only in name.

But, I stress here that this proposal instigates these questions.  I am sure that I am not alone in having the knee-jerk reaction to become defensive at the proposed inclusion of individuals who are not socially and politically marginalized in society.  I also emphasize that we question who determines those boundaries.  What authority do these two therapists have to rename an entire segment of the population?  Who grants that authority, and how is it reinforced?  These questions are at the core of Collins’s discussion of self-definition: interrogating who has the power to define us, if not ourselves, and why.

I recognize and celebrate the great complexity and diversity of genders and sexualities.  But, we must hone the power to name ourselves for ourselves as a part of our path to true liberation.





[kinsey] Being On The “Down Low”: What Does It Mean?

8 01 2013

This was originally posted at Kinsey Confidential.

“Keep it on the down low.”  A few years ago, many knew this expression simply to mean that something should be kept secret or confidential.  This could refer to anything — a friend’s surprise birthday party, an embarrassing  accident, an affair.  Over the past decade, the use of the phrase “the down low” or “DL” has narrowed to refer to one thing: Black men who date women while secretly having sex with men.  But, this limited definition misses much of the diversity and complexity of life on the down low, and sexuality in general.

“Down Low”

In general, keeping something on the down low means keeping it a secret.  But, some suggest that the expression originates among Black communities in the US to refer specifically to secret relationships, including infidelity or extramarital affairs in heterosexual relationships.  However, one particular use of the term — men in heterosexual relationships who secretly have sex with men — was forced into the national spotlight.

Many people, regardless of race and ethnicity, gender, and social class hide from others that they are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender, have sexual and romantic relationships with members of their own gender, and/or experience desire for such relationships.  In large part, this is due to fear of homophobic, biphobic, and transphobic violence, discrimination, prejudice, and rejection from friends and family.

Hiding one’s sexual or gender identity is ofter referred to as being “in the closet.“  So, how is being on the “down low” different?  And, why have down low or DL men received so much attention over the past decade?

Scapegoats?

Hiding one’s non-heterosexual sexual identity, relationships, or desires, and the bias against these components of sexuality, are obviously not new phenomena.  But, shortly after the new millennium began, men who have sexual relationships with men — particularly those who also have sexual and romantic relationships with women — became the focus of discussions about the high rates of HIV among Black Americans.

Many celebrities (even Oprah!), politicians, and activists concerned about the HIV epidemic among Black people in the US began pointing to these men as a potential source for the staggeringly high rates of new HIV cases among (heterosexual) Black women.  The logic became that some men in heterosexual relationships were secretly having sex with men, and doing so without using condoms to reduce their risk of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STI).

Essentially, Black DL men were thought to be a “bridge” for bringing the high risk for HIV among men who have sex with men to heterosexual relationships.  However, researchers have found little evidence to support this proposal.  But this myth has persisted.  Why?

One possibility is that homophobic and biphobic prejudice has allowed down low men to serve as scapegoats, an easy target to lay blame for HIV rates among Black women.  Unlike “out” gay and bisexual men, hostility toward DL men is seen as justifiable because they are deceitful, intentionally lying to their female partners.  In fact, the disdain toward men on the down low spread beyond concerns about risk for HIV and STIs to general suspicion: “how to find out if your husband is on the down low“, “how to tell if a man is on the DL.”

The Role Of Race And Racism

As I noted earlier, feeling or actually being forced to hide one’s same-gender sexuality — whether identity, relationships, or desires — is experienced by many.  And, being on the down low is also not limited to Black men.  In a recent study published in Deviant Behavior, sociologists Brandon Robinson and Salvador Vidal-Ortiz found use of the term down low, or even identifying as DL, was just as common among white men as it was among Black men using Craigslist.com for casual sexual encounters with other men.  Another sociologist, Jane Ward, has also studied postings on Craigslist, specifically looking at white men who identify as “str8 dudes” or “str8.”

So, why have Black men been singled out?  Some have argued that Black men on the down low are simply the most recent victim of a long history of demonizing or pathologizing Black sexuality.  That is, somehow the sex lives of Black DL men are more deceitful, immoral, and risky (i.e., HIV risk) than those of exclusively-heterosexual Black men and DL men of other races.  And, they understandably face greater pressure to hide their “true” sexualities because Black communities in the US are stereotyped as more hostile toward lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people.

“True” Sexuality?

Are men on the down low really just gay and bisexual men who are in the closet?  Yes, in the sense that they hide some aspect of their same-gender sexuality.  However, no, there is a great deal more diversity and complexity than most discussions of the down low assume.  While some identify as bisexual (or even gay), many identify as heterosexual; also, some do not claim a particular sexual identity, while others actually identify as DL.  Also, as found in a recent study of DL men in New York City, their defining characteristic is hiding their same-gender sexuality from their female partners, yet some are “out” as DL (or gay or bisexual) to friends and family.

This diversity is missed, in large part, because the complexity of sexuality is overlooked.  In particular, one’s sexual identity is conflated with one’s sexual behavior is conflated with one’s sexual desires.  Whether for men on the down low, other people in the closet, out lesbian, gay, and bisexual people, or heterosexuals, these dimensions — identity, desire, and behavior — are related, yet distinct.  These dimensions tend to align for the majority of adults, but there is a sizable minority for whom these dimensions do not appear congruent nor permanently fixed.

Sexuality Is Complex

Focusing on the sexual practices of Black men on the down low is shortsighted, missing the complexity of sexuality and the great deal of sexual diversity in America.  Even for these men, such a narrow focus misses other important aspects of their lives and well-being, including poverty, prejudice and discrimination, limited access to quality health care, and so forth.

It is crucial for our understanding of sexuality and sexual health that we pay attention to other important dimensions, namely race and ethnicity, gender, and social class. In addition, we must consider how various social factors shape and constrain our sexualities.  This will help to move beyond a focus only on individuals’ actions while ignoring the limitations, constraints, and disadvantages they face.





The Importance Of Representation: Voice, Visibility, And Validation In America

24 09 2012

For one obvious reason, disadvantaged groups are often called “minorities” — the groups are smaller in size than another group.  In this sense, people of color (or racial and ethnic minorities) and lesbian, gay, and bisexual people (or sexual minorities) are numerical minorities.  However, these groups, as well as women, are also minorities by virtue of having less power in society than their majority counterparts: whites, heterosexuals, and men.  Unfortunately, this latter point is often forgotten; look, for example, at the hope that racial equality will be realized once people of color outnumber whites in the US.  Indeed, the history of Apartheid in South Africa serves as evidence that a group’s minority status in terms of power is not the mere product of being a numerical minority.

Minority Status: The Roles Of Size And Power

The size of a minority group is an important component that plays a role in shaping the experiences of minority group members.  In particular, by virtue being a member of a smaller group, minority group members theoretically have a lower chance of seeing other minority group members across various contexts.  Whereas non-Hispanic whites make up two-thirds of the US population, white people have the greatest chance of any racial or ethnic group of seeing other white individuals at work, the grocery store, church, on the street, at the doctor’s office, and so forth.  In these terms, women and men have roughly the same chance of seeing other women and men, respectively.

However, the unequal allocation of power, resources, and opportunities also plays a role in shaping minority and majority group members’ experiences.  In terms of gender, despite slightly outnumbering men in the US, women are often underrepresented in many contexts.  Take as a very important example the US Congress: there are 76 congress women in the US House of Representatives (compared to 362 men), and 17 in the US Senate (compared to 83 men).  Do the math.  Women make up roughly 50 percent of the US population, yet only 17 percent of congresspeople are women!  Though 10 percent of congresspeople in the House are Black, not a single member of the US Senate is Black.  Indeed, other factors play roles in the outcomes of elections, including — I add emphatically — prejudice and discrimination.  But, it is safe to say that something other than a numbers game is at play when there is such a stark underrepresentation of women and people of color in one of the most important institutions in this country.

Representation: Why Group Composition Matters

There are a host of reasons why the extent to which a subgroup is represented matters.  Continuing with the example of the gender and racial and ethnic composition of the US Congress, it is important to note that the House and Senate, with their underrepresentation of women and people of color, is making important decisions that impact the lives of every person in the US.  So, two groups that consists primarily of white middle-class heterosexual men — many whom are only interested in the needs and desires of other white wealthy heterosexual men — are making decisions right at this moment on behalf of people of color, working-class and poor people, LGBT people, women, and other disadvantaged groups.  In fact, the leadership of every organization and institution in the US — most which are also dominated by white heterosexual middle-class men — is making decisions as I write this post that impacts the lives of every person of every race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, and class-standing.  Indeed, the decisions these individuals are making has great influence in guaranteeing that the next generation of leaders will also be white middle-class heterosexual men.

So, in a big way, what a group produces is shaped by the composition of the group.  Since individuals can only truly speak from their own experiences, the contributions of women and people of color systematically excluded from important decision-making processes.  But, the composition of a group also shapes the interactions among the groups’ members.  For example, a recent study on the gender composition of small groups found that the presence of fewer women is associated with less contribution from women group members:

When voting by majority decision, women deferred speaking if outnumbered by men in a group.  However, when voting unanimously, the researchers found that women were much more vocal , suggesting that consensus building was empowering for outnumbered women. The researchers also found that groups arrived at different decisions when women did participate. These findings, however, are not simply limited to business settings.

In this case, when women are underrepresented in a group, especially where reaching a consensus is the primary goal of the group, they are less likely to contribute to group decision-making.  And, the group loses out on what could be a unique contribution and voice not offered by male group members.  Because so many important, powerful groups include few or no women, the contribution of women is systematically excluded in important decision-making.  I would say the most shameful of these exclusions is the absence of women in important conversations about women’s health (e.g., contraception for women!).

Unfortunately, it seems that the challenges that arise from being a member of a minority group are sometimes exacerbated when one is also in the numerical minority in a group.  I would suggest one factor that contributes to women’s underparticipation in groups that are dominated by men is the stress associated with being the token woman. Social scientists, including professors Cate Taylor , Pamela Braboy Jackson, and Peggy Thoits, in Sociology at Indiana University, have examined the stressfulness (and resultant problems for health) of being “the only X” or token in groups and organizations that are heavily white and/or male.  The uneasiness one may experience as the token woman, token Latino person, or token lesbian, can contain so many different concerns and feelings, ranging from the discomfort of always being evaluated as a woman, Latina, or lesbian, to the discomfort of feeling that one is perceived as speaking on behalf of their entire group, to feeling that one has to contribute the perspective of a member of one’s group.  I can think of many discussions where I have been overwhelmed by anxiety that stemmed from being the only person of color or queer person present or, more often, from feeling the urgent need to interject that the group has systematically overlooked the importance of race, sexuality, and/or gender.

Seeing Yourself

The importance of representation extends beyond small groups and decision-making processes.  The visibility of minorities in the media is an extremely important arena of representation, one that has been extensively studied and debated.  For example, each year the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) analyzes the representation of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people in film and television each year.  The positive portrayal of women, people of color, immigrants, LGBT people, same-gender couples, interracial couples, working-class people, people with disabilities, fat people, and so on is crucial so that people are aware of diversity, but also appreciate and celebrate that diversity.

Specifically for the members of minority groups, seeing oneself reflected in the media is crucial, particularly in the face of prejudice, discrimination, and the constant barrage of invalidating comments and actions.  In fact, there was a recent study featured in the media this summer that finds evidence of a self-esteem boosting effect of television for white boys, but self-esteem damaging effects for white girls, black girls, and black boys.  One primary reason?  White boys see lots of white boys and men in the shows they watch.  And, not just that, but they regularly see these characters and actors in positive, powerful, and central roles.  This is less so the case for other kids.

Though less frequent for members of minority groups, to see a face or body that looks like your own is powerful in its effect to simply validate you as a worthy human being.  I can think of the range of emotions I saw or heard about in people of color, especially Black Americans, when President Barack Obama was elected in 2008.  Some had tears streaming down their faces simply because they were overwhelmed with joy, hope, and likely some sense of relief.  I am not ashamed to admit that I get this feeling in terms of race and ethnicity in the media, but also sexuality.  To not only see LGBT people on my television screen — again, I emphasize positive portrayals — but to see them loved by others, or in love, is sometimes emotionally overwhelming because these images are new to me.  I am disappointed, however, that I have to feel such joy just to see someone who looks like me — a joy whites, men, heterosexuals, and other privileged groups do not experience because their representation is the norm and, as a result, their presence is treated as the default.

Though things have changed, and are continuing to change, there is still much work to be done until we stop seeing systematic underrepresentation and hearing about “the First African-American X” or “the First Woman to Y.”





Wow! People Sometimes Date “Outside Of Their Race”

16 02 2012

Hearing or reading about Mildred and Richard Loving — the “Loving” half of Loving vs. Virginia – always warms my heart.  In the midst of fierce racism and on-going legal and political battles over the legal status of interracial marriages, the couple fought to be recognized as married in Virginia.  I don’t like their story just because I, myself, am the child of an interracial couple; and, I tend to cringe when I hear “same-sex marriage is just like interracial marriage” (which misses the unique, yet intersecting, manifestations of racism, sexism, and homophobia).  I appreciate their story because they made history in the process of fighting simply to be recognized as a married couple.

New Media Attention

For a number of reasons, interracial and interethnic couples have caught the media’s attention in the past week or so.  A documentary about the Lovings, “The Loving Story,” aired on Valentine’s Day, coinciding with the release of a Pew Research Center report on the rising number of interracial marriages in the US.  It seems fair to suggest that this attention also stems from the recognition of a growing number of multiracial and multiethnic people since the 2010 Census, and the election of President Barack Obama (who is multiracial).  As I noted elsewhere about some recent attention on the lives of Black women, it seems the media is suddenly interested in people who have existed throughout history.  I welcome the new attention, of course, but a few glaring matters seem overlooked.

But, What About…

The biggie, of course, is how the media talks about interracial and interethnic couples as though they never existed before the Lovings, and multiracial and multiethnic people were never born before Barack Obama.  I would venture to say that so long as there has been “race,” there have been relationships and identities that transcend the boundaries between distinct racial groups.  And, relatedly, some seem to talk about legal interracial marriages as though none existed before the 1967 US Supreme Court decision in Loving v. Virginia, which struck down the remaining 20 state laws that banned interracial marriage.

Second, little is discussed about the variation among interracial and interethnic couples.  The numbers and growth/decline of such couples vary by racial and ethnic pairing, as well as gender.  For example, the percent of whites who marry someone of a different race or ethnicity is the smallest, while that among Asians is the largest.  White-Black pairings make up a smaller percent of interracial and interethnic couples than white-Asian and white-Hispanic.  If we were to talk about these differences by race and ethnicity, we would need to talk frankly about the differences in relations between whites and people of color, and how they are gendered, classed, and the role of immigration.  (Maybe that’s asking too much for quick splashes about “the soaring rates of intermarriage!“)

Third, there seems to be an absence of discussing race and ethnic relations, and racial and ethnic identity.  Yes, the increasing number of interracial and interethnic couples is due, in part, to increasing acceptance of such couples.  But, what does this say about race and ethnicity today?  Why aren’t there more couples like this?  And, how interesting, the primacy of race.  Heterosexuality (what we could call “intergender marriages”) is assumed.  In fact, some use “intermarriage” (which doesn’t suggest what is being crossed — is it race? religion?  class?  gender?) and “interracial marriage” interchangeably, indicating the exclusive focus on racial and ethnic boundaries.  And, though, in the same discussions, we acknowledge the growing number of multiracial and multiethnic people, we fail to ask about the cross-racial and -ethnic relationships for them.  (Mildred Loving was multiracial — Black and American Indian.)

Finally, in such a great focus on the increasing accepting of interracial and interethnic couples, the higher divorce rate for these couples compared to intraracial and intraethnic marriages is glossed over, if mentioned at all:

The Pew study also tracks some divorce trends, citing studies using government data that found overall divorce rates higher for interracial couples. One study conducted a decade ago determined that mixed-race couples had a 41 percent chance of separation or divorce, compared to a 31 percent chance for those who married within their race.

Another analysis found divorce rates among mixed-race couples to be more dependent on the specific race combination, with white women who married outside their race more likely to divorce. Mixed marriages involving blacks and whites also were considered least stable, followed by Hispanic-white couples.

The actual Pew report gives a little more detail, suggesting that it is Black-white marriages that are most likely to end in divorce, though this may be largely among Black men-white women pairings.  Again, this relates to the importance of talking about the variation in relations between whites and people of color.  But, it also warrants further inspection — what is unique about these couples?  Arguably, despite such growing social acceptance, these couples are less stable because of lower levels of support from friends and family and integration into each other’s lives.

Ideally, there will be more reflection on what this means for the future of racial and ethnic relations, racial and ethnic identities, and racial and ethnic communities.  I hate to admit that I share the pessimism of others — the supposed blurring of racial and ethnic lines will probably not translate into the end of race and ethnicity, rather simply a reformulation of racial and ethnic boundaries and hierarchies.





Sexual Violence Among Children — How Do We Define It?

28 01 2012

The New York Times recently covered a story about a six-year-old boy who was suspended from school after touching the thigh or groin of another boy:

It started as schoolyard roughhousing during recess, with one boy’s hand allegedly touching the upper thigh, or perhaps the groin, of another. There were no reported witnesses, and it remains unclear if anyone complained, but the principal immediately suspended the student, placing the incident on the boy’s record as a case of “sexual assault.” The children involved were first graders — the purported assailant just 6.

The severity of the punishment for this incidence has caused a stir, highlighting a number of other cases where parents raise doubts about the appropriateness of the punishment:

Experts said such incidents are not isolated, but rather part of an emerging national trend. A similar case caused a sensation in Boston in November when a 7-year-old faced sexual harassment charges for kicking another boy his age in the groin during a fight.

Due to heightened concerns over bullying in recent years — spurred by a public awareness campaign following several child suicides — school administrators now feel pressure to act boldly in cases where students might face harassment.

Yet, what appears to be driving these concerns is the appropriateness of defining these behaviors as sexual assault:

Indeed, calling a matter “sexual” when a first-grader is involved seems at odds with California statutes that indicate that such intent can only be applied to children who are in fourth grade or older.

Stuart Lustig, a board-certified child psychiatrist at the University of California, San Francisco, said that in general it is quite common, normal even, for young children to touch each other’s genital areas. “It’s curiosity,” he said. “It’s not sexual in the adult sense.”

Dr. Lustig added that it would only become a concern if a young child does not stop when told the behavior is inappropriate. However, he said he had heard of cases where schools have acted immediately to discipline youngsters, even over a single schoolyard kiss. “Schools can sometimes respond very strongly because of the legal environment,” he said.

That is, there is apprehension — even legal codes — to conceptualize certain behaviors among young children as sexual violence.  But why?  It may be that:

  1. we believe that children are too young to understand sex and sexual violence, thus, they cannot be held accountable for their actions — at least for the first instance, and for minor, less intrusive events.  But, does this also mean that children are too young to discern touching and attention they want from that which is unwanted?
  2. we believe that children are too young to be sexual.  So, touching at this age should be seen as mere curiosity.  But, doesn’t this mean children are too young to consent, and, as such, all touching is considered sexual violence?

Then, what is sexual violence among children?  Are certain behaviors (touching, staring, flirtation) considered inappropriate if they are unwanted by the target of such behaviors?  Or, does it depend on the severity of the behaviors, either in how intrusive they are or how much they harm the target of the behaviors?  Or, rather, does it depend on the intentions of the child enacting these behaviors?

An Important Moment

Following the change to the federal law defining rape to include violence against men, this is an important moment to fully engage these kinds of messy questions.  In understanding sexual violence as an expression of power over another, we must ask ourselves what power, oppression, and violence look like for children.  Just as we are apprehensive to believe that a six-year-old boy intended to sexually assault another boy, we may be apprehensive to believe that six-year-olds understand power well enough to comprehend and enact sexual violence.  Despite also denying that young children are sexual, we must engage the question of consent for sexual activity and attention.  But, we cannot overlook that children can be the targets of unwanted sexual activity or attention just because young children may not be old enough to fully comprehend all of these complex issues (adults obviously struggle, too).

Childhood may offer an important moment to teach children about sexual violence so that they may better recognize it (and, hopefully prevent it in their communities) in adulthood.  We are sending mixed messages to our youth in ignoring some forms of sexual violence and severely prosecuting others, especially where the expressions of violence are more akin to bullying than sexual assault, rape, and sexual harassment.  Fortunately, there are some places like Middle Way House that work directly with children to teach them about healthy, consensual friendships and relationships.  But, obviously, there is so much more to do.





Sexual Orientation: Nature? Nurture? Choice?

27 01 2012

Recently, Sex in the City actress Cynthia Nixon remarked in an interview to New York Times magazine that she is “gay by choice”:

…for me, [homosexuality] is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not… As you can tell, I am very annoyed about this issue. Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate. I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with.

In the midst of a long struggle for equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT), and queer people, the looping of this story in the media led many LGBT individuals to groan, “why would she say that?”  Their fear is that her declaration — her autonomous choice to be gay — can be used in efforts to oppose the advancement of sexual equality.  Putting the comment that she is “gay by choice” into context, looking at her full quote, she makes clear that the question of whether sexual identity — namely those non-heterosexual identities — is irrelevant.  However, through the wave of sensationalism and abbreviated quotes, the media has promoted the simple fact that Nixon has declared her sexual identity a choice.  Despite Nixon’s intentions and the content of the entire interview, the words “gay by choice” rouse up the continued debate over the origins of homosexuality and bisexuality.

Nature? Nurture? Choice? We’re Missing The Point!

More and more research out of biology, genetics, and other life sciences builds a case for the innate — possibly due to genes, hormones, or other biological factors — origins of sexual orientation.  And, many major academic organizations have made explicit the acceptance and appreciation of sexual orientation as a natural aspect of every human that should not be changed nor suppressed.  Yet, the overall question regarding the “true” origins of sexual orientation, and the oft-cited answer of choice, pervade rhetoric regarding equal rights for LGBT and queer people.  This is largely the result of the legal standard used to determine a minority’s group worthiness of being protected from discrimination: the status must be immutable.  And, legal standing aside, research suggests that heterosexuals are more likely to support LGBT rights when they believe sexual orientation to be fixed, innate, and/or genetic.

But, Cynthia Nixon has raised an important question.  As I noted in an earlier blog post, the push to determine the origins of sexual orientation warrants the question, “why does it matter?”  As I just noted, civil rights legal tradition rests heavily on the immutability of a minority status to define a minority group as worthy of protection; and, it matters for changing attitudes about homosexuality and bisexuality.  But, why must one’s sexual orientation be determined at birth, fixed, or unchangeable to warrant respect, equality, and acceptance?  Why don’t we value individual freedom and choice with regard to consensual sexual and romantic relationships?

Complicating The Argument

Beyond asking why we are so fixated in determining the origins of sexual orientation, there are a number of other points that are missed in these debates:

  1. The one-sidedness of the question — “is it a choice — highlights the heteronormativity that shapes these debates.  We ask why people are or become lesbian, gay, or bisexual; we do not, however, ask why people are or become heterosexual.  That is, in treating heterosexuality as the norm, we take it for granted rather than question its origins.  We presume heterosexuality until proven otherwise (i.e., heterocentrism).
  2. The media stir about Nixon’s comments illuminate how fragile the understanding of sexual orientation as innate is.  It took only one celebrity to dissent from the “gay by birth” position to reopen the debates about the origins of sexual orientation.  Nixon does not serve as a spokesperson for LGBT and queer communities.  Interestingly, other celebrities who echo the popular position that sexual orientation is innate have not garnered the same media attention.  Certainly, the press did not hound Lady GaGa for further explanation for her song, “Born This Way.”
  3. The debate over the origins of sexual orientation simplifies human development into an either/or construction.  That is, either sexual orientation is determined at birth, or it is chosen later in life, or it is the product of one’s upbringing.  Simplifying these options makes it easier to place blame: distant fathers, overbearing mothers, single mothers, bad parenting, sexual violence, poor gender socialization, bad decisions, and so on.  (As such, the devaluing of homosexuality and bisexuality is obvious, in that we are searching for someone or something to blame.)  Although, as a sociologist, my work focuses on uncovering the social factors that shape and constrain our lives, I acknowledge that much of human life is likely a complex combination of human agency, social experiences, and biology/physiology.  Sexual orientation is no exception.  Though hormones may be the vehicle for sexual desire, our social experiences shape who and what we find desirable; in fact, much of what we find desirable are social constructs (e.g., masculinity, femininity).
  4. These debates also simplify human sexuality.  When we ask whether sexuality is a choice, are we referring to one’s choice to engage in sexual and romantic relationships with an individual of a particular gender?  Or, does one choose who one finds sexually attractive?  Or, is the choice really in the particular sexual identity one takes on?  Sexuality is complex and multidimensional.  Though we may choose to identify as bisexual, we may be exclusively attracted to women.  We may be mostly attracted to men but choose to equally pursue relationships with women, as well.  Also, as I have argued before, we attend exclusively to gender in our conceptualization of sexual orientation.  In doing so, we are asking about the origins of being attracted to particular genders, but we typically do not think to ask about what causes us to be attracted to particular races and ethnicities, individuals of certain social classes, body shapes and sizes, and so on.  If we were to consider these dimensions of sexual desire, how strange it would seem to find evidence for a gene to be attracted to Asian-Americans or choosing to be attracted to tall women.

More research, both in the natural and social sciences, is needed to develop a more comprehensive understanding of sexuality, including its origins.  But, in the mean time, we should ask ourselves why it is so important to find the answer to “is it a choice?”  If, one day, we were to discover that sexual orientation is 100 percent one’s choice, do we no longer afford sexual minorities the same rights and protections as heterosexuals?  Or, if we isolate the “gay gene,” will we put the debate to rest, ensuring full sexual equality?  My pessimism says the debates would still continue, and there would be new eugenics-style initiatives to eliminate that gene.  Disdain for LGBT people is the root of the problem, not the origins of homosexuality and bisexuality.





Sexual (Orientation) Equality: Equality For Whom? Or What?

25 12 2011

What is sexual equality?  To be clearer, I am referring to equality that exists on the basis of sexual orientation/sexual identity.  In a recent post, I sought to complicate, yet further clarify what is meant by “gender equality.”  Indeed, the questions I raised regarding equality on the basis of gender parallel relevant questions that can be asked regarding sexual equality.

The Components Of Sexuality

Sexuality is complex and multidimensional.  Within the individual, it entails sexual and romantic attractions, sexual and romantic behaviors, and a specific sexual identity (and, for some, an associated community affiliation).  Thus, sexuality also necessarily encompasses interactions and behaviors among individuals: sexual behaviors and practices, relationships, affiliation between like community members (e.g., members of queer communities).  Finally, as any good sociologists should point out, there is a third, macro level of sexuality, including social norms and values regarding various sexual behaviors, identities, relationships, communities, and so forth.  For example, many sexuality scholars write about heterosexism, the societal system that privileges heterosexual people, relationships, and practices over everything else.

Equality For Whom?  Or What?

As many might ask, isn’t sexual equality simply granting equal rights and status to all people, regardless of their sexual identity?  In recent years, the biggest push for such equality is the granting of marital recognition, rights, and benefits to same-gender couples — those same 1,000 rights that are currently afforded to all heterosexual couples.  Yet, as some critics have warned, it is dangerous to simply grant lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) people access into spaces, both physical and virtual, that are fully accessible to to heterosexuals.  This path, becoming “Good As You” (GAY), means equality can be achieved by becoming more like heterosexuals: marrying, having kids; leading the same types of lives, differing only in sexual identity.

Similar to the concerns I raised in my post on gender equality, gaining greater acceptance for queer people may leave other components of sexual equality unequal.  Indeed, some research on Americans’ attitudes has shown how acceptance can progress for some aspects of sexuality while remaining stagnant in others.  For example, most Americans support protecting queer people from unfair treatment on the basis of sexual orientation.  However, Americans are much slower to shift away from viewing same-sex sexual behaviors as immoral.  We can see a similar disjuncture between attitudes toward queer people and queer relationships, though more and more, the US is moving towards a majority acceptance of legal recognition of same-gender marriages.  Arguably, this shift may be the product of the success of messages that focus on love between same-gender partners, diverting attention away from what queer people do in the bedroom.

Thus, at a minimum, it is important to note that sexual equality necessarily includes equal status, rights, and celebration of all individuals regardless of sexual identity, all sexual behaviors and practices, all sexual desires, all relationships, and all sexual communities.  Further, such comprehensive equality would also encompass equal liberty to privately and publicly express one’s sexuality: public displays of affection, various expressions of gender, commitment ceremonies, and so forth.

A Case: Mean Girls – Accepted Queer People, Invisible Queer Sexuality and Relationships

I am not ashamed to acknowledge that I love and own the film, Mean Girls.  It’s a good laugh.  And, arguably, it is a good source to spark conversation about friendships, relationships, sexuality, conflict, peer groups, and so forth among adolescent girls.  Also, the film is one of the first to portray a young gay man, as a primary character even, in a positive light.  But, upon watching the film for, let’s say, the fourth time, I noticed something about the film that put me off.

The lone gay character, Damian, was comfortably out at the school.  The movie portrays him as a healthy, happy, and active member of the school community.  Without spoiling the ending too much for my readers who have not (yet) seen the film, I can note that the film ends with many of the characters finding love — except for Damian.  He and his best friend, Janice, hesitantly kiss, then gasp in disgust as they realize their pairing would not work.  For Damian, this is because he is gay, presumably not attracted to women.  This scene gives some room for the continued question, is sexual orientation — that is, same-sex orientation — changeable, and is homosexuality a phase?  Then, Janice unexpectedly finds love elsewhere, while Damian excuses himself.  So, though he was accepted as a queer person, the film never demonstrates acceptance of his sexual desires, practices, or relationships.  Aside from his known gay sexual identity, the film portrays him as asexual.

Why is Damian acceptable as a gay person in the absence of his gay sexuality and love life?  It may be safe to assume that the creators of the film knew they were pushing Americans’ limits with the mere inclusion and positive portrayal of a gay youth.  To also portray him as a sexual homosexual might be too much in the current social climate regarding sexuality.  Is it simply that queer people are now less threatening, yet queer sexuality still is?  Are gay people okay “as long as they don’t come up on me,” as one person said in a group interview I was a part of when asked about his comfort level with working in a diverse group?

My Point

The concern that I am driving at is the danger of pushing forward acceptance of queer people — a form of nominal acceptance — while leaving invisible queer relationships.  Or, as things seem today, accepting queer people and relationships, while keeping invisible the yucky stuff they do behind closed doors.  Still yet, there is great cause to be concerned about the acceptance of queer people so long as they lead otherwise heterosexual (i.e., heteronormative) lives.  Such a reality means that America’s “good gays,” those queer people who settle down, marry, and have kids, making little of their sexuality outside of the bedroom, will be embraced as equals, while its “bad gays” (everyone else) is left behind, scolded for failing to conform.  This would mean leaving in place heteronormativity — the social system that would continue to devalue single people, childless couples, polyamory, open relationships, transgender people, gender non-conforming people, and “out and proud” queers.  For sexual equality can only be fully realized when queer individuals, relationships, sexual practices and desires, and communities are equally protected, liberated, and valued.